Just in case...

Now, more convenient than ever!

The new 24/7

Oh, indeed.

So that's what you say when someone falls on the tracks. Thanks, helpful sign.

Romeo and Cigarette

I will be in Japan for the next three months, so most of my Admonishments will be taken from the land of the Rising Sun. This blog won't become the next Engrish.com (if you haven't checked it out before, I highly recommend you do) but while I'm out here, I'm definitely going to take advantage of the plethora of fantastic signage

The greatest love story never told. Until now.

Death by cancer or terydactyl?

Warning? Or incentive to try smoking and see what happens?

Thanks Kyle!

lesson learned

Folks, I know that morning commute can be hard, but try to avoid carrying a briefcase sized coffee mug. It just isn't going to end well for you.

Cow's revenge

Gives a whole new meaning to the term "cow tipping"

Thanks Elizabeth!

Have fun pronouncing that one...

Marcus' parents couldn't agree on his middle name. So they went with all of them

At least he's wearing a helmet

Well honestly, if you're going to ride a bike with a pipe for a front wheel, perhaps you deserve to fall head first into an alligator's mouth.

Advice to Live By

I'll definitely keep that in mind

Thanks Caitanya!

Aww, ma...do I have to?

It's like Disney land for the new millenium family.

Driving a hard bargain

You know what they say: No such thing as a free mulch

Thanks Elizabeth!

Because clowns aren't scary enough...

At least this clown is up front about what he is going to do to your children

Great family vacations

What a bother...

Hmmm...I suppose you could say that hallucinations, delusions and a sense of being controlled by outside forces can get in the way of things sometimes...

D'oh!

Note: This gate takes about 30 seconds to close.

Double take

Pretty sure this advertisement is going to cause more reckless driving than it will prevent.
If anyone wants to take a stab at the conversation that led to that design, be my guest.

Look out for down arrows

Danger: Beware sudden change in gravitational direction

This has to be my favorite sign yet. Thank you Caitanya.

Going green

Famous last words "No no, people will figure it out."

Decisions, decisions...

Wanted: Artist skilled in drawing pigeons and severed fingers.

No ifs, ands or...

This one has been in the news lately but I couldn't resist

Recently renamed Archer Street, it only took 930 years for the residents of this fair street to figure out how to stop being the butt of everyone's jokes.

(oh, c'mon, I had to go for it)

Luckily, smoking is allowed...

Put away your smorks...

How to prevent a lawsuit:

This place knows how to keep its priorities straight...

If you've got the time.....

That's right folks, a 24 hour massage. Bed pan and feeding tube included!

(Thanks Joanne and Lauren C.!)

Simple solution

Duct cleaning! Of course! Somebody, get me the President...

Just parking?

Note to self: driving along a mountain that is collapsing is safe. It's just when you park that things get dangerous.

No, really...

That's right you are.

Language Barrier

This sign has been plastered across the city of Chicago.
It's for the upcoming Latino Film Festival, hosted by the Latino Cultural Center.

Take a look at the web address

Did you look carefully?

Nope. It's not Spanish. It's Engish. Er. English.

They even engraved it

Bewildered at their persistent problem, the owners of Pussy Handlers, the cat training society, finally gave in and purchased this sign.

This warning label has been popping up a lot lately on my packaging

Now I'm paranoid about strange boxes appearing over my head and killing me. Thanks labeling company for adding to my growing list of phobias.

Just say no

Admit it, at some point in your life, you've at least caught a part of an American Idol episode where an embarrassingly awful singer performs and then acts TOTALLY shocked at the bad review.

The question, always, in my mind is "Why didn't someone TELL them?" Not a single loved one was willing to try and stop them from being humiliated on American Idol? I've always thought this was the ultimate example of family or friends failing to do a little admonishing for the sake of someone they cared about.

Then Megan H. sent me this product which she discovered in the grocery store...

...and I was corrected.

Then again, that's what ADmonishments is here for. To say NO when others aren't strong enough. ADmonishments is like the Simon Cowell of signs and ads.

...no, Anti Monkey Butt. No.
(you have to read that with a British accent)


yeah, it's real.

Sorry admonishers. Somehow time has slipped me by...but hopefully I will make it up to you with this hilarious sign.

Apparently the threat of instant death wasn't enough of a deterent...

Look ma!

Kent K. sent this from his travels in Amsterdam.

Do you think everyone was in on the joke but these three girls?

"Yes! Your hair looks great! Actually, let's just make it a little bigger..."
"No, people will definitely know what you mean by 'use me.' "




Thanks to Jane M. for pointing me to LPCoverLover for this one

Eat your heart out!

This one comes from Christina P.



Whoops.

Step away from the lips...

"Sir...Sir, I'm sorry, you can't kiss your girlfriend here."
"I'm sorry - what?"
"Did you see the sign? I said step back! Don't make me use force!"
"But I just - is that a tazer? What are you doing - AHHHHHH!"



Ok, that conversation isn't real but the sign is.
Read on

Look out Jenny Craig!

I thought we'd finish up a week of vintage ads with this classic:



That's right folks, eat some lard and then let the tapeworms do the rest!

Be sure to read through the whole thing - there some great lines in there (my personal favorite being "Easy to Swallow!")

Lard = love!

Since we're going down memory lane...



Ahhh, the simpler days. Life, love and lard. Really, what more do you need?

Blast from the past

If reading this blog is beginning to make you lose hope in this century's ability to communicate, never fear! As long a their have been ads, there have been bad ads...

Signage Sat-er Sunday.

It's time for Signage Sunday! Yep. Sunday. Good old Sunday.

Last time, I asked you all to come up with the meaning of this sign. It was a hard choice, but the winner is:
"Beware Falling Trapeze Artists!"





Today's picture is a treasure I found during my travels in Japan.



L...O...L. The thing is, I know what this sign is for and I STILL don't understand how they came up with this image to explain it.

Have fun ADmonishers.

What's this sign saying? Send in your best (aka, your wittiest) guess to admonishments@gmail.com or leave your comment on this entry!

It's about time!

Marketing Person: Boss! I've just come up with THE GREATEST idea ever.

Boss: Oh yeah? Ok, hit me!

MP: Ok, ready? This is pretty out there. But I think I've hit the jackpot!

Boss: I'm ready.

MP: Are you sure? It's prettyyyy cah-razy.

Boss: Yes, I'm sure! What is it!

MP: Ok...it's...oh man, this is wild. It's SHAVING CREAM. But that's not the wild part. It's shaving cream for WOMEN.

Boss: Uh, I'm pretty sure they've been making that since like...1940.

MP: What? Really? Are you sure?

Boss: Yes. But that's ok. It's a good idea. We need to expand our line anyway.

MP: Uh oh. It's too late. I already went ahead and did it.....



FINALLY! Thanks Pure Silk. Where would women be without you?

If you say so...

In response to my last post, I received this photo taken at a State Park in Kansasville, WI.



Hey, can't argue with the government. And who knows, maybe you'll run into Michael Phelps.

Ooo, too soon?

"The best food in Chicago and that's no toke...uh, joke!"



(Sorry, I couldn't resist)

Thanks to Jane M. for spotting this one!

I'm prepared...

ADmonishments is about signage going hilariously wrong...even if it was done on purpose.



Just in case, you might want to pick up a copy of the Zombie Survival Guide.

Try it! It's fun!

No, it's not Signage Saturday (have you sent in your witty comment yet?) - but who says I can't post signs any other day of the week? This one made me guffaw loudly and shouldn't be saved for a later day.

This photo was taken in County Kerry, Ireland.

"I heard there's a great place around here to drive your car off the cliff. It's supposed to be really fun! Oh! Look! There's the spot! Ok, ready...?"



Thanks to Natasha S.!

Customer Service

This photo was taken at a nearby post office.

Dear good mood reader,
Hope it makes you chuckle laugh.

That's MY downward dog!

It was a tough call today. I thought I knew what I was going to post until I passed this store on my way home today.

Despite years of practice, study and training, this yogi can't quite unlock the secret to hosting a successful yoga class. Each class seems to be ripped apart by petting bickering, competitive posing and overt bragging. No one can seem to figure out what is attracting this caliber of students....

Because waking up with night sweats isn't bad enough...

This ADmonishment is also a product...monishment.

While traveling during the holiday season, I happened to browse the the SkyMall catalog. Truly, that magazine is full of fodder for this blog but there is one in particular that stood out.
It's a product for women who suffer from night sweats.

As I read the product, I thought - what an ingenious idea! You wear it on your wrist and when it senses perspiration, it activates.

Now, like me, you're probably thinking "Activate? Oh, it gets cold and cools your body down?"

Oh no, my friends...

It's an ALARM.

So, in case you didn't know you were overheating, this baby will be sure to wake you up and allow you enjoy it full technicolor. And that's it. Once it wakes you up by buzzing and beeping, it's job is done.

I think they should make a whole series of these:

The PMS alarm: Are you feeling crabby and bloated? Let this alarm remind you!
The Stomach Flu Alarm: About to throw up? This buzzing and beeping will be sure to let you know!
The Death Alarm: Don't miss your last moments!

Ahhh, thanks SkyMall. You should think about making one to remind guys when they're about to buy their lady the worst present ever.

We'll get your carpet white--er, clean.

Kokomo Karpet Kleaners!
Because nothing says clean like KKK!

I'm so tempted to make this entry a list of rejected slogans for this company. I think it's safer to sit and giggle quietly to myself for now.

Thanks to Kyle J. for this goldmine.

Brainstorm

Here's how I like to imagine this conversation went:

Marketing Guy 1: Ok, team! We've got a new client! We've come up with a slogan

Where fitness is normal

Got it? We want it to be a place where people can feel comfortable, like they belong.
Now, we just need a logo.

Marketing Guy 2: Alright, let's break it down! First word: Where. Ok, where...where...how about everywhere? Being healthy and fit is something that anyone can get behind. So how about...the world?

Marketing Guy 1: I love it! Ok, next word: Fitness. What's an image that can represent fitness?

Marketing Guy 2: Easy! Everyone will know this:

Marketing Guy 1: PERFECT. Ok, last word...normal. What's an image that can tie this all together and represent normality.

Marketing Guy 2: I've got it! You're gonna love this...



I don't know about you, but nothing says "normal" to me like giant gorillas lifting weights on the Earth. Sign me up...